My friend recently compared how she felt in her relationship to being a ‘side salad’. She felt like she was a side part of her boyfriend’s life and stood up and said ‘I don’t want to be a side salad anymore’. She was right, she wasn’t a side salad. She should have been the main course. The big juicy steak that your mouth waters for and you are counting down the seconds to eat.
I’m so proud of that friend because she did what a lot of us can’t – she stood up and put her own happiness first.
I know a lot of girls like her, who, because they have a boyfriend, and they get to see them occasionally, and really they’re ‘not that bad’ because they’re ‘super hot’ or it’s ‘good when they’re together’ so they put up with being priority number 4.
I’m sure my current boyfriend wouldn’t mind me referring back to a few conversations we had early on in our relationship where I was also being treated like a side salad. Usually over friends and football (playing and watching), and as we were a long distance relationship, I found it very hard to deal with. We had words and I was soon upgraded to the main course that I am and when I went to visit him, football was temporarily put to one side and we’d see his friends together or have a few nights where he’d declare ‘date night’ which was just for us.
I’m not saying that you should be top of the priority list all of the time – balance is key. However, if you’re constantly being ‘fit in’ and not ‘fit around’ then there may be an issue.
In the words of Phoebe from friends, you need to find your ‘lobster’, because they ‘mate for life and go around and hold each others little claws’. Whether that is scientifically accurate, I’m not sure, but what I’m trying to say is – at this age, we’re looking for someone who will commit to us, prioritise us first and someone who we ultimately see a future with.
If you don’t feel like you are the main course in your relationship, then take a step back and ask what you deserve – to be a side salad or to be that juicy steak cooked to perfection. I know which one I’d choose.
Positive of the day: I’m off to Oxford with my Mum for a girly weekend break. I’ll still be posting but I’ll also be relaxed and loving life.