This post I imagine may be a little controversial and I’ve been debating whether to write about it for a while. However, when I thought about it seriously, I realised if we didn’t talk about the controversial things now and again then life would be very boring.
This post surrounds one of the most commonly used phrases ‘once a cheat, always a cheat’. I hate this phrase and disagree with it entirely.
I’m going to try and keep the subjects I’m talking about anonymous, although anyone who knows me well, will probably know most of this anyway.
So I hate the phrase – you know that already, but do you know why? Because, I, in my younger years cheated on someone I cared about several times. Why? Because I’m an idiot. Why do I hate it? Because I am now in a really great relationship with someone I care about and would never dream on cheating on them.
So I suppose, there will be one question on your mind. Why did I do it to the other person I care about. I’ve spent a lot of time beating myself up about this and trying to work out why I did it. I’ve boiled it down to several reasons:
1) I was young and stupid
2) I was too young for such a serious relationship
3) I had something that was so good that I didn’t appreciate at the time
4) I was very caught up in the world of university and being a fresher (and mainly wanting to be liked)
5) I loved my boyfriend at the time, he was my best friend, but I fell out of love with him and didn’t know what to do about it
Many people thought he was a mug for taking me back so many times and in a way he was. He deserved so much better and he just couldn’t see the forrest through the trees. He gave me so much more credit than I deserved and I took advantage of that time and time again.
Now I look back, I realise what a horrible and manipulative person I was but I had lots of very forgiving friends that put it down to ‘just being Lauren’. I resent to this day that some of my friends still wait for the day that I’ll cheat on my current boyfriend but in a way, I understand, because I’ve earned that reputation.
I have friends that family’s have been broken from affairs and adultery and so they hold the subject as a very personal thing to them and I completely understand that what I did was wrong. I’ll be forever sorry for the damage I caused to the boyfriends confidence and mental health at the time.
I’m very thankful that today he is still one of my closest friends and was one of the first people that I told I had depression. He simply reacted with ‘I’m so happy you finally went to the doctors.’ It was like he knew all along.
So back to my pet peeve. I don’t believe that ‘once a cheat, always a cheat’ is an accurate description of my life. I swear to all my friends, family and readers that I will never put another human being through what I did to my ex. However, I’d like to replace it with ‘once a dickhead, always a dickhead’, because that is a diagnosis that I can get on board with – and really, aren’t we all a dickhead when we want to be?
Positive of the day: It’s still bank holiday weekend and yesterday I bought a whole new wardrobe from charity shops! Best. Day. Ever.